How I Trained My Dog to Come Every Time Using a Relationship Bank Account

Table of Contents

The Day I Lost the Negotiation

The sun was perfect.

The air was crisp.

At the dog park, my goofy golden retriever, Leo, was having the time of his life, a blur of yellow fur and pure joy.

And I, his proud human, was beaming.

We’d done everything “right.” Countless hours in the backyard with high-value treats, positive reinforcement, and a cheerful tone had built what I thought was a solid recall.

I was wrong.

It started with a flicker of movement in the tall grass—a squirrel.

In an instant, Leo transformed from a happy-go-lucky companion into a single-minded predator.

The chase was on.

“Leo, come!” I called, my voice bright and confident.

Nothing.

“Leo, COME!” I tried again, a little louder, my confidence wavering.

He didn’t even twitch an ear in my direction.

He was in his own world, a world far more interesting than mine.

As other dog owners started to watch, my cheeks burned with a familiar mix of shame and panic.

I started repeating the cue, my voice getting tighter, more desperate—a classic mistake that only teaches a dog that your first command is meaningless.¹

He’d occasionally glance back, staying just far enough away that I couldn’t grab him, turning my commands into a frustrating, unwinnable game of chase.³

I had the best treats in my pocket, the ones reserved only for recall.

But in that moment, they were worthless.

The thrill of the chase, the smells, the sheer freedom—that was the currency that mattered, and my offer wasn’t even in the same league.⁵

When I finally wrangled him back to the car, defeated and humiliated, I felt like a total failure.

I had followed all the standard advice, but it had crumbled at the first real-world test.

The training that worked so perfectly in our sterile backyard had failed to generalize to the complex, distraction-rich environment of the park.¹

That night, stewing in my frustration, I kept asking myself why.

Why does the best advice so often fail when the stakes are highest? And then, it hit me.

As a behavioral economist, I spend my days analyzing how people make choices based on incentives, value, and cost.

I suddenly realized I was analyzing Leo’s “disobedience” all wrong.

The problem wasn’t his training; it was my entire mental model.

I was treating recall as a matter of obedience, a test of whether Leo was a “good boy.” But Leo wasn’t taking a moral exam.

He was making a complex economic calculation, and I was losing the negotiation.

The Obedience Delusion – Why We’re All Getting It Wrong

Most of us approach recall training with a fundamental misunderstanding.

We believe that if we follow a set of steps, our dog should obey.

We see a failed recall as a sign of a stubborn, defiant, or disloyal dog.¹

But this “obedience” framework is precisely why we fail.

It ignores the fact that our dogs are constantly making choices based on what provides them the most value in any given moment.

Our most common mistakes are merely symptoms of this deeper, flawed perspective.

Mistake #1: Poisoning the Cue (Devaluing Your Currency)

One of the most common and damaging mistakes is inadvertently teaching our dogs that the recall cue is a predictor of negative outcomes.²

Think about it from your dog’s perspective.

When do you most often call them with urgency? When it’s time to leave the park, get a bath, have their nails trimmed, or be crated.

Over time, the dog learns that your recall word—“Come!”—signals the end of all fun.

As one trainer aptly put it, “Imagine being at a party and someone repeatedly approaches to interrupt your fun and drag you home”.⁶

Of course the dog starts ignoring you; you’ve become the fun police.

You have effectively “poisoned” your cue, transforming it from a happy invitation into a dreaded summons and devaluing its worth entirely.²

Mistake #2: Competing with an Unregulated Market (Ignoring the Environment)

When we call our dog at the park, we aren’t operating in a vacuum.

We are a single, tiny kiosk in the middle of a sprawling, unregulated superstore of amazing things.

The environment is overflowing with high-value reinforcers: fascinating smells, other dogs to play with, squirrels to chase, and interesting people to greet.⁵

When your dog chooses to ignore you for a squirrel, it’s often not “active disobedience” but a simple, rational calculation that chasing that squirrel is “way more enjoyable than what you’re offering”.⁵

Our training fails because we drastically underestimate the competition.

We offer a dry biscuit when the world is offering a five-course meal of sensory delights.

This isn’t just about the absolute value of our treat; it’s about its relative value.

This is where a core economic principle comes into play: Opportunity Cost.

When you call your dog, you are asking them to give up the opportunity to do whatever else they were doing.

The “cost” of coming to you is the value of the fun they must leave behind.

A successful recall only happens when your dog perceives that the benefit of returning to you is greater than the opportunity cost of abandoning the distraction.

This single concept explains why a piece of chicken works wonders in your quiet kitchen (where the opportunity cost is zero) but is utterly worthless in a bustling park (where the opportunity cost is immense).

Mistake #3: Lack of Capital (An Underfunded Relationship)

Many of us assume that providing food, shelter, and daily walks is enough to build a strong bond.

From a training perspective, this is like thinking a company is healthy just because its lights are on.

These are baseline operating costs, not investments.

A recall, especially in a distracting environment, is a massive request.

To honor it, the dog needs to have a deep well of positive association with you—a well that is often left unfilled.

This is where the idea of a “Relationship Bank Account” comes in.¹⁰

Many owners mistake simply spending time with their dog for genuine engagement.¹¹

A walk where you’re on your phone while your dog sniffs is a minimal, low-interest deposit.

Without a history of active, joyful, mutual engagement, the relationship account is too low to cover the high cost of a difficult recall.

The Epiphany – My Dog, The Economist

My breakthrough with Leo came when I stopped seeing him as a disobedient pet and started seeing him for what he was: a highly rational economic agent.

A humorous but deeply insightful comment I once read contended that a dog is a “completely rational actor that acts according to incentives”.¹²

The dog who barks at the mailman isn’t being naughty; he’s deriving “utility” from successfully performing his job of protecting the pack.

My Leo wasn’t being bad by chasing that squirrel; he was maximizing his own joy and utility.

This reframing changed everything.

I wasn’t a commander whose orders were being ignored; I was a business partner whose value proposition was being rejected.

The solution wasn’t to enforce my authority, but to become a better investor.

This led me to fully embrace and expand upon the concept of the Relationship Bank Account.¹⁰

The model is simple but profound:

Every interaction you have with your dog is either a deposit or a withdrawal.
Deposits are positive, engaging, fun interactions that build value in your relationship. Playing a game of tug, a fun training session, a surprise treat for no reason, or a good cuddle are all deposits.
Withdrawals are moments that draw upon that goodwill. Asking for a command, making them wait for their food, correcting a behavior, or a frustrating moment are all withdrawals.
A recall is one of the biggest withdrawals you can make. You are asking your dog to liquidate a high-value, immediate asset (like playing with friends) and transfer that value to you, on trust.

This transaction is only possible if you have sufficient capital in the Bank. If your relationship account is low or overdrawn from too many withdrawals and not enough deposits, the check will bounce.

The dog will ignore you.

This framework powerfully explains why punishment-based methods are so destructive; a harsh correction is a massive, often account-closing withdrawal that can bankrupt the trust in your relationship.⁵

The path to a reliable recall isn’t through discipline; it’s through savvy, consistent investment.

The Three Pillars of Canine Economics: Your Recall Investment Plan

Once I started thinking like an economist, the path forward became clear.

I needed a strategic investment plan.

This plan rests on three pillars designed to build massive relationship capital, manage withdrawals intelligently, and ensure long-term growth.

Pillar 1: Building Capital – The Art of the High-Yield Deposit

The goal here is to make your relationship account so flush with capital that your dog concludes that being with you is the most valuable and rewarding activity available.

This isn’t about simply giving treats; it’s about becoming the source of all fun.

Strategy 1: Invest in High-Yield, Interactive Games

Passive activities like a standard walk are like a low-interest savings account; they maintain the balance but don’t grow it much.

Interactive games are the high-growth stocks of your relationship portfolio.

They are massive deposits that build immense value in being near you and paying attention to you.11 Here are some of the most effective games to play:

Hide and Seek: This game is brilliant for teaching your dog that they need to keep track of you.¹⁵ When your dog is distracted, simply hide behind a tree. When they realize you’re gone and come looking for you, throw a party with praise and treats. This teaches them that losing you has a cost, and finding you is a huge jackpot. It builds the invaluable habit of “checking in” voluntarily.⁹
Ping Pong or Relay Recalls: With a partner, stand a short distance apart and take turns calling the dog back and forth, rewarding lavishly each time.¹⁶ This turns recall into a fast-paced, joyful chase between two high-value people, building speed, enthusiasm, and a powerful positive association with the act of coming.
Catch Me If You Can: Instead of chasing your dog (which you should never do), get them to chase you.¹⁷ Get your dog’s attention and then run away in the opposite direction, making exciting noises. This taps into their natural prey drive but positions
you as the fun and exciting thing to pursue.

Strategy 2: The Slot Machine Principle

To keep your dog motivated and hooked, your rewards must be unpredictable.

This is a cornerstone of behavioral psychology.

Think of a slot machine; its addictive power comes from the fact that you never know if the next pull will yield nothing or a massive jackpot.2 Once your dog understands the recall command, you should apply this principle.

Sometimes the reward for coming back is a simple piece of kibble.

Sometimes it’s a handful of delicious steak.9 And sometimes, it’s an explosive, surprise game of tug.15 This variability keeps your dog guessing and makes returning to you irresistibly exciting.

The key is to think like a market analyst for your own dog.

Every dog has a unique portfolio of desires—some are driven by food, others by chasing, sniffing, or playing tug.

The most effective “deposits” are games and rewards that tap into your specific dog’s highest-demand motivations.

If your dog lives to chase, the “Catch Me If You Can” game will be a far more valuable deposit than a food-based one.

Pillar 2: Managing Withdrawals – Making Recall an Affordable Choice

Building capital is only half the battle.

A savvy investor also manages their expenses.

The goal here is to lower the “cost” of the recall withdrawal and ensure that every transaction is successful, which protects the value of your recall cue.

Strategy 1: The “Practice Recall” (Lowering Transaction Costs)

To reverse cue poisoning, the vast majority of your recalls—at least 9 out of 10—must not signal the end of fun.

They should be “practice” recalls.7 In the middle of a walk or playtime, call your dog.

When they come, give them a massive reward—a jackpot of treats or a quick, fun game—and then immediately release them back to whatever they were doing with a cheerful cue like “Go play!” or “All done!”.8 This teaches your dog that coming to you is just a brief, highly profitable interruption, not a fun-killer.

You are making the transaction cost of the recall incredibly low and affordable.

Strategy 2: The Inevitability Principle (Market Regulation)

A recall cue is not a suggestion; it is a non-negotiable command.

An ignored cue is a bounced check that damages your financial credibility and teaches your dog that ignoring you is a valid, and often more profitable, choice.8 This is where a long training line becomes a critical tool of economic policy, not punishment.9 The rule is simple: “Don’t say ‘come’ unless you can make it happen”.8 If you give the cue and your dog hesitates, you do not repeat it or get angry.1 You use the long line to gently guide them in, or you calmly walk over and lead them back to where you first called them, rewarding upon arrival.23 The dog learns that the command is inevitable, and compliance is the easiest path to reinforcement.

Strategy 3: Outcompeting the Market (Setting Your Dog Up for Success)

You wouldn’t open a boutique coffee shop right next to a Starbucks and expect to win on day one.

You would build your brand and customer loyalty in a less competitive market first.

The same applies to recall training.

Start your training in a low-distraction environment, like your living room, where you are the only “shop” in town.6 Only when your recall is 100% reliable there do you move to a slightly more competitive market, like a quiet, fenced park on a long line.

You never test your recall in a situation where you know you are likely to fail.6 This is strategic market entry, and it ensures a history of success that builds your dog’s confidence and the reliability of your cue.

Pillar 3: Auditing and Long-Term Growth – Your Recall Investment Portfolio

A good economic plan requires a clear strategy and a way to track performance.

This is your long-term plan for building a recall that pays dividends for life.

To make the abstract “bank account” concept concrete, think of your interactions in terms of a daily ledger.

The Recall Economic Ledger
Deposits (Activities that Build Relationship Capital)	Withdrawals (Activities that Cost Relationship Capital)
High-energy, interactive games (Hide & Seek, Tug) ¹⁵	The recall command itself ¹¹
Fun, short training sessions with high-value rewards ¹⁰	Leashing up to leave a fun place ⁶
The “Counting Game” or “Find the Treasure” ¹⁵	Vet visits or grooming (nail trims) ⁶
Surprise treats or praise for voluntary check-ins ⁹	Taking a high-value item away
Cuddling and calm petting (on your dog’s terms) ¹⁰	Any moment of owner frustration or yelling ¹⁰
Hand Target or “Touch” games ¹⁶	Asking for a “leave it” from something exciting

This ledger helps you become consciously aware of the economic flow of your relationship.

If you know you have a big withdrawal coming up (like a vet visit), you can proactively make several large deposits in the days leading up to it, ensuring your account can easily cover the cost.

The Step-by-Step Investment Plan:

Phase 1: Initial Public Offering (IPO). Your old recall word is likely a devalued currency. Start fresh with a new, unique cue that has no negative history.² This is your company’s relaunch.
Phase 2: Market Saturation at Home. For at least one week, focus exclusively on making high-yield deposits (games) in a low-distraction environment like your house and fenced yard. Use your new cue only when success is 100% guaranteed, building massive positive value.¹⁹
Phase 3: Entering a Low-Competition Market. Move to a quiet, secure area on a long line. Continue to focus 90% of your time on “deposits” (fun games) and only 10% on “withdrawals” (practice recalls followed by immediate release). Use the long line to enforce the Inevitability Principle without conflict.²²
Phase 4: Diversifying in a Volatile Market. Gradually and strategically begin introducing more distractions—the “competition.” This is where you must become a savvy trader. If a huge, unpredictable distraction appears (like a deer), do not “spend” your recall cue if you think it might fail. That’s a bad investment. Instead, manage the situation (leash up, create distance) and live to trade another day. Your goal is to build a long, unbroken history of successful transactions, which is the foundation of trust.²¹

The Unbeatable ROI of a Perfect Recall

Months after my humiliating failure at the park, Leo and I found ourselves in a similar situation.

We were hiking on a trail when two deer bolted across the path not 30 yards ahead of us.

Old Leo would have been gone in a flash, deaf to my calls.

My heart leaped into my throat.

But this time, things were different.

I had spent months investing in our Relationship Bank Account.

I took a breath, and in a happy, confident voice, I used our new recall cue.

Leo, who had tensed to give chase, stopped.

His head whipped around, his ears perked, and he made a new calculation.

He looked at the deer, then back at me, the source of countless jackpots and thrilling games.

He chose me.

He bounded back with a goofy grin, and the feeling of relief and pure connection was overwhelming.

We had done it.

A reliable recall is not about control or dominance.

It is the ultimate Return on Investment for the time, love, and engagement you pour into your dog.

The dividends are immeasurable: the freedom of off-leash adventures, the safety to protect your dog from sudden danger, and the profound, unbreakable bond that comes from being the most valuable thing in each other’s world.

It’s the best deal you’ll ever make.